Love Means Nothing
by Gamebird
Summary: Post-series, post-Brave New World. Sandra lays down the law to Noah, telling uncomfortable truths about their former relationship.


"So, how's Lyle doing?" Noah asked, sitting at the bar in Sandra's kitchen. It was disheartening to think of the place that way – 'Sandra's kitchen', 'Sandra's house', instead of 'the kitchen' or 'our house' … or even '_my_ house.' Not that he was the possessive sort, but nothing made a person aware of their possessions like losing them, or being required to give an opinion on the disposition of every single item. Their divorce had been pretty uncomplicated, largely because Noah had simply agreed to whatever Sandra wanted. It still hurt, though.

"He's doing fine," Sandra answered easily, settling into the swivel chair at the opposite end. Doug was at work, but he was also comfortable enough with things to be unthreatened by Noah's unexpected visit. Noah's life remained in tumult – never knowing where he was going to be working or what he was going to be doing from week to week. "Well, there was this one thing," Sandra offered. Noah's eyebrows inched up. "Last week, he got in trouble at school for trying to stop a fight."

"Trying to _stop_ a fight?"

She nodded. "He was trying to break it up and got hit. The principle didn't approve of that, but it's not like he got suspended or anything."

Noah gave a slow nod, trying to imagine his retiring, easy-going son throwing himself in the middle of a heated dispute. He smiled a little. "Both of our children are learning to protect themselves, whether we like it or not."

Sandra gave a brittle smile and sipped at her orange juice.

Noah thought about what he might have done or said to Lyle if he'd still been in the house. He tilted his head slightly. "What did _Doug_ have to say about what happened?"

Sandra's lips thinned and her voice was a warning. "Whatever he had to say about it, I'm sure you'd find fault with it, so I'm not even going there."

"Okay, okay," Noah said, putting his hands up. She was right. He'd been thinking that Doug couldn't possibly have given his son any useful advice for dealing with violence. The man was out of touch with reality. Yet that was the man Sandra had chosen over himself. It made Noah feel miserable and like even more of a failure. "I still love you," he said wistfully.

"And I love you, Noah," Sandra said simply.

He looked up at her, hope blooming. "Then … can we … Can we work on getting back together?"

"No, Noah. There's no chance of that."

"But …"

"Noah, I know you love me, but that doesn't matter when you're not willing to _do_ anything about it. I don't want to be with someone, whether they love me or not, who I can't _trust_." Noah sighed slightly and looked down, but she had more to say. "You loving me didn't stop you from having my memory erased to the point of brain damage. You loving me didn't keep you from putting this family in danger over and over and not _telling_ me about it. I backed you up, to our kids, my family, our friends – whenever there was an argument. I took your side, Noah, because that's what people do when they're a team. But a team doesn't mean that one person won't share what's really going on with the other."

There wasn't much he could say to that. It was all true. Feebly, he offered, "Okay."

"I want to be with someone who knows and cares about what I like and … whom I know what _he_ likes – _really_ likes, not just the image he's selling to me and the rest of the world. I know what he's actually doing with his life. Maybe it isn't as glamorous or adventurous as what you do, but I don't have to make excuses for Doug. That's important to me, Noah, to be with someone I can be truthful about, and someone who is being truthful to me." She leaned back. "For the first time in my life, Noah, I'm important to someone. And I don't care if he's silly and you think he's beneath you. He makes me _happy_. He makes me feel good about myself." There were tears glistening in her eyes. "And that's more important than the love I still feel for you."


End file.
